How to Respond to Verbal Abuse From a Family Member

Wait until emotions have calmed down before trying to talk to your abuser about how his behavior affects you. Rather than pointing an accusatory finger, start with "I feel..." Set clear boundaries for unacceptable treatment, and hold him accountable if he crosses them.

Limit your discussion to abusive behavior that is occurring in the present. Rehashing past abuse will put your abuser on the defensive. He's likely to turn the conversation around to indict you: "You're always throwing that stuff in my face. If you would just stop that..." The conversation is no longer about his abuse; it's now about how you are to blame for it.

Expect change, but be prepared for it to come slowly. Abusive behavior develops over a long period, and it will not be healed overnight. Both you and your abuser must be equally committed to improving the relationship.

Seek counseling. Verbally abusive people use their words and actions to keep others confused and off balance. They are often model family members in between verbal assaults, admitting fault and vowing to change. Unfortunately, the cycle soon begins all over again. Victims often need professional help to see the situation clearly and take the steps needed to address it.